Gratitude and Prayers
In this post I elaborate with examples and my own experience how this insight emerged. I’d encourage you to first read the chronicles of my cancer encounters and then the synopsis of the insights I gleaned.
You may ask: What is there in being grateful for having cancer? There are so many things to be grateful for, and we only need to look for them. They are right there, in front of our eyes and under our noses. The alternative is to fill pity for yourself, and that doesn’t help.
I am grateful for all the miracles that happened to me. Going to the physician to diagnose the slight abdomen ache I had truly was Divine Providence (הַשְׁגָחָה פְּרַטִית). Being cured four times against all odds from the tumors in my liver is certainly a miracle. The lightning speed in which I flew through the medical system from tumor discovery to a curative treatment is another. And there are countless more small miracles to be grateful for.
I am grateful to no measure for the kindness of people. Dr. Clary is the most compassionate, understanding and accommodating physician I ever encountered. Dr. Sander for her kind support and humility, putting my wellbeing in the front and center of her decisions. I can’t thank enough all the nurses, technicians and paramedical team members that I have met along the way. They all expeditiously did everything I needed and asked for with a smile and warm concern. The staff and members of Congregation Beth El who graciously filled my spiritual needs during my treatments in San Diego. Last but not least, I am eternally grateful to you, Connie and Aliza, for walking with me along this journey.
I feel the need to back up these sentences with a few examples. Before the first surgery, I had to go through a procedure that forced the left lobe to grow. It had to become large enough to support me after the removal of the right lobe with the tumor. Just before Dr. Clary discharged me after the procedure, I asked if he would do me a small favor. He obliged: “What is that you would want from me?” I asked him that prior to the surgery itself he would recite a prayer for me. He agreed.
I was ready to enter the Operating Theater when Dr. Clary came to make sure that all is properly done. I gave him a paper with the prayer that the Maimonides recited before he started his work as a physician. Dr. Clary read it with deep intent and then said: ‘I have two things to tell you. The first is that there is not a single word that I disagree with. The second is that I can use all the help I can get from any source’. There were not enough words to express the gratitude I felt for him at that moment. After my third successful surgery, I presented him with the prayer long with the Priestly Blessing on parchment.
After discovering the third occurrence and rushing through the review of options (which weren’t too many), I started immuno-chemotherapy. I was the first to enter the infusion hall for my first session and could choose any seat. I picked the very front seat that faced the magnificent view of the valley and the mountains. Then I noticed that the chair’s numerical designation was 18. The number 18, when expressed with Hebrew letters (each letter in the alphabet has a numerical value) is Ḥay - Life. Surely, Divine Providence guided me to pick up this chair, with a clear message: All will work out well. Following my request, the staff made a notice in my chart to reserve this chair for me throughout my treatments.
Above all, I am grateful to the Eternal One, for all the good that He has bestowed on me. Both for the good that I experience and recognize, and the unknown good that will manifest itself in the future. I truly believe that the Acts of the Eternal One materialized through the actions of people and the Creation. The Eternal One inspires and instills the motivation to act, knowingly or not, in the hearts of people. Being grateful to the kindness of people is also an expression of gratitude to the Lord.
I do believe that they prayers help, and particularly prayers for healing of soul and body of the sick. Research made on the subject reveal that there may be some scientific evidence to that effect. My articles, Thoughts About Healing Prayers and Healing Prayers – An Inspiring Conversation with My Friend, may be of interest.
Upon waking up every morning, I follow my Jewish tradition and recite:
!מוֹדֶה אֲנִי לְפָנֶיךָ, מֶלֶךְ חַי וְקַיָּם, שֶׁהֶחֱזַרְתָּ בִּי נִשְׁמָתִי בְּחֶמְלָה. רַבָּה אֱמוּנָתֶךָ
[Modeh ani lefanekha, melekh ḥay vekayam, sheheḥezartah be nishmati beḥemlah, rabbah emunatekha]
I am grateful and thank You, living and everlasting Sovereign, for returning my soul back in me with compassion. Great is your faith in me!
Here I am, awaking to yet another day, receiving the gift of my soul with no merit on my part. The Holy One, Blessed be He, gifted me with life, because He has great faith in me. He trusts that I will not misuse His gift, that I will do something good during the day. Starting the day with gratitude changes my entire perspective of the world. I look out the window with awe at the Creation and am thankful. The thought about what I can do to deserve that precious gift guides my day. I identify opportunities to help someone else, share one’s burden, and act upon it.
Before I fall asleep, I look back at my day and appreciate what I did. It may be gratitude for the opportunity and a plea to have that gift tomorrow as well. Sometimes it may be a disappointment in myself, that follows with gratitude for the gift and vowing to try and do better tomorrow.